The U.S. Health and Human Services Department (HHS) is currently conducting a scientific study titled, “Sexual Orientation and Obesity: A Test of Gendered Biopsychosocial Model.” To date, this study has spent $3.5 million taxpayer dollars. When you get past all the fancy words, the basic purpose of this study is to determine why lesbians are more obese than heterosexual women.
Wait. What?! The government is spending millions of dollars to determine why lesbians are fat?! Are you kidding me? I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but the federal government has racked up a national debt in excess of $18 trillion. (That’s trillion with a “T”!) On the one hand, you could make the case that a mere $3.5 million to the government is like couch cushion change, since Washington spends approximately $400 million per HOUR. On the other hand, though ... obese lesbians? REALLY?!!
Here’s my analysis: if you’re not concerned about being sexually attractive to men, you’re less likely to worry about your weight. Mystery solved. And I’d only charge the government $2 million for my scientific insight, saving the taxpayers a lot of dough. Now, what other stupid things is Uncle Sam wasting money on?