The U.S. Health and Human Services
Department (HHS) is currently conducting a scientific study titled, “Sexual
Orientation and Obesity: A Test of Gendered Biopsychosocial Model.” To date,
this study has spent $3.5 million taxpayer dollars. When you get past all the
fancy words, the basic purpose of this study is to determine why lesbians are
more obese than heterosexual women.
Wait. What?! The government is
spending millions of dollars to determine why lesbians are fat?! Are you
kidding me? I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but the federal government has
racked up a national debt in excess of $18 trillion. (That’s trillion with a
“T”!) On the one hand, you could make the case that a mere $3.5 million to the
government is like couch cushion change, since Washington spends approximately
$400 million per HOUR. On the other hand, though ... obese lesbians? REALLY?!!
Here’s my analysis: if you’re not concerned
about being sexually attractive to men, you’re less likely to worry about your
weight. Mystery solved. And I’d only charge the government $2 million for my
scientific insight, saving the taxpayers a lot of dough. Now, what other stupid
things is Uncle Sam wasting money on?
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