Words of Wisdom for the Young

 I was born just before the Dodgers left Brooklyn, so that makes me a junior senior citizen, or as I prefer, a late-stage middle-ager (which does not mean, as my children think, that I was born in the Late Middle Ages). After all these years, I think I’ve acquired a little bit of wisdom. Anyone who survives six or more decades has to learn at least a few valuable lessons that can be shared with young people.

For example, my friend Ace, who is one of the most impulsive persons I’ve ever met, recently offered these words of wisdom to one of his grandkids: “Don’t ever ride a dirt bike through the woods at night. While drunk. Without a helmet. Shirtless. Barefoot. And far from the nearest Emergency Room.” 

When Ace offered this advice, he whistled on every “S” sound because the dental plate he wears to replace the teeth lost that evening doesn’t quite fit anymore. After hearing this information, Ace’s teenage grandson, Ace the Third, asked, “But is it OK to do that if I’m close to a hospital?” to which Ace replied, “Um, sure, why not?”

Here are some other words of wisdom that experienced folks, also known as “seasoned citizens,” can offer to the younger generations (courtesy of various Google searches):

• “I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the fridge.”

• “Your parents aren’t nearly as dumb as you think they are.”

• “I’m not sure how many chocolates equals happiness, but so far it’s not 27.”

• “Relax, we’re all crazy. It’s not a competition.”

• “It amazes me how Exercise and Extra Fries sound alike.”

• “It’s OK to be angry. It’s never OK to be cruel.”

• “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that.”

• “Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

• “Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.”

• “The unhappiest people in the world are those who care the most about what other people think.”

• “Life is good, but it ain’t fair.”

• “Do what’s right, not what’s easy.”

• “Don’t make decisions when you’re angry. Don’t make promises when you’re happy.”

• “Don’t take things personally. No one thinks about you as much as you do.”

• “I regret all the time I wasted regretting things.”

• “Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.”

• “Too many people are buying things they can’t afford, with money that they don’t have, to impress people they don’t like.”

• “Most situations are not as bad as you think they are.”

• “Sometimes when someone says, ‘It’s for your own good,’ they really mean, ‘It’s for my own good.’”

• “Your relationship with other people is more important than money. But a steady paycheck can keep you from having a relationship with the bill collector.”

• “Real people are much more interesting than video screens.”

• “Don’t text all the time. Talk face-to-face once in a while.”

Over the years I’ve learned a couple of things I’d like to share. The first is: “Don’t sweat the small stuff. And the big stuff becomes small if you give it some time. So, don’t sweat the big stuff either.”

My second piece of advice is: “Don’t go to skinny doctors. They always nag about your eating habits. Try to find a doctor who’s a little chubby. And if he or she smokes, even better.”

Many of my readers are fellow seasoned citizens. And I’m sure they have a lot of wisdom to share. So, please do me a favor: send me an email with the words of wisdom you’ve learned over the years. I’ll do a follow-up column and share them with everyone. Thanks.