Recently, the business section of the newspaper had two interesting articles. The first one had this headline: “Benefits for men who work into their 60s.” Well, I’m in my 60s and I’m working, so I was curious to find out what my “benefits” might be. It turns out that men who continue working well into their 60s live longer than men who retire early. OK, I guess not being dead qualifies as a “benefit.”
The article said this phenomenon might be partially explained by the fact that men who are working full-time in their 60s are in reasonably good health, while many guys who retire early do so because of poor health. This difference in health has an impact on mortality.
The article said this phenomenon might be partially explained by the fact that men who are working full-time in their 60s are in reasonably good health, while many guys who retire early do so because of poor health. This difference in health has an impact on mortality.
That may be so, but I know the real reason retired men die sooner. Here’s my early retirement scenario: if I won the lottery jackpot tomorrow (quite unlikely, since I never buy tickets, which means my odds of winning are pretty much the same as people who do buy tickets), then I could retire sooner than planned — “sooner” being defined as two seconds after I woke up from fainting after discovering I won the jackpot.
Now that I’ve lived more than six decades, I’m starting to understand myself a little better. I know I would spend the first three or four months of early retirement doing all those things I don’t have time to do now: travel, sight-see, volunteer at the local parish, etc. But eventually, I know my life would settle into a routine of watching too much television and eating too much junk food.
At this point, people who know me well are thinking to themselves, “But Bill, you already watch too much television and eat too much junk food.” Ha! As it says in the Bible: “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”
Let’s put it this way: if I had no set schedule and tons of free time everyday, the local Stop & Shop would have to expand its snack section from one aisle to four, and my left thumb would become as big and strong as my forearm from using the TV remote all day long. Then, soon after, my heart arteries would say, “It’s been fun, but we’re done,” and I would become another statistic for the next business section article about retirees who don’t live as long as people still working.
Now that I’ve lived more than six decades, I’m starting to understand myself a little better. I know I would spend the first three or four months of early retirement doing all those things I don’t have time to do now: travel, sight-see, volunteer at the local parish, etc. But eventually, I know my life would settle into a routine of watching too much television and eating too much junk food.
At this point, people who know me well are thinking to themselves, “But Bill, you already watch too much television and eat too much junk food.” Ha! As it says in the Bible: “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”
Let’s put it this way: if I had no set schedule and tons of free time everyday, the local Stop & Shop would have to expand its snack section from one aisle to four, and my left thumb would become as big and strong as my forearm from using the TV remote all day long. Then, soon after, my heart arteries would say, “It’s been fun, but we’re done,” and I would become another statistic for the next business section article about retirees who don’t live as long as people still working.
So, it’s a good thing for my longevity that I am still working full-time. Also, my tardiness to get serious about retirement savings means I’ll continue to work for many more years.
The other article on the business page had this headline: “What if you save too much to retire?” Oh my, I needed a good laugh, and that headline made me chuckle for the rest of the day. That’s like asking, “What if a woman is too good looking?” or, “What if your team’s starting pitcher strikes out too many opponents?”
It turns out the main point of the article was that some people contribute too much money into Individual Retirement Accounts and end up with tax problems. It wasn’t saying that it is possible to save “too much” money, just that ignoring IRS guidelines is foolish. Still, it’s a better problem to have than an IRA account with a balance of nine bucks.
The other article on the business page had this headline: “What if you save too much to retire?” Oh my, I needed a good laugh, and that headline made me chuckle for the rest of the day. That’s like asking, “What if a woman is too good looking?” or, “What if your team’s starting pitcher strikes out too many opponents?”
It turns out the main point of the article was that some people contribute too much money into Individual Retirement Accounts and end up with tax problems. It wasn’t saying that it is possible to save “too much” money, just that ignoring IRS guidelines is foolish. Still, it’s a better problem to have than an IRA account with a balance of nine bucks.
The bottom line is this: it’s a good thing I did not go to work for the State of Connecticut after college, as my father encouraged me to do, because if I did, I would’ve been able to collect a full, lifetime pension in my mid-50s. This means right now I’d be enjoying retirement from my permanent home at Plot number G427 in St. Peter’s Cemetery.
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