Have you ever gone out to eat at a restaurant, and your waiter or waitress turned out to be one of those self-proclaimed geniuses who does not need to write anything down? Here’s what happens: six different people around the table take turns saying what they’d like to order, including particular variations, such as, “Dressing on the side,” “Mixed vegetables instead of fries,” “Medium rare,” and, “Extra Hershey’s syrup on my salmon, please.” And the waitstaff person just nods, says, “Very good,” and then walks away.
Every time this happens, I mutter to my dinner companions, “What are the odds the Amazing Kreskin will get our order right?” (This comment is usually greeted with blank stares, as I’m the only one at our table who has wasted valuable brain cells memorizing useless trivia about weird Johnny Carson guests in the 1970s, rather than, say, more important facts, like my wife’s cell phone number or my loved ones’ birthdays.)
Surprisingly, the vast majority of the time that we’ve gotten Kreskin Junior for our waiter or waitress, our order turned out to be exactly right. But still, it's an awkward situation that leaves me uncomfortable. Being lactose intolerant, if the genius waiter forgets that I said “No dairy,” there will be a whole new level of “uncomfortable” about 20 minutes after I eat, if you get my drift.
The last time a waiter took our order without writing anything down, I wondered if it would be rude to bring along a notepad and pen when we go out to eat. If the server just stands there listening, without reaching for a pen, I’ll whip out my pad and start writing everything down. Then, before he or she can say, “Very good,” and walk away, I’ll rip out the page and hand it over and say, “Here ya go, pal. Just in case you forget the Hershey’s syrup. And I wrote ‘NO DAIRY’ in capital letters and underlined it twice. I hope you don’t mind.”
The thing is, I’m sure the waitperson would mind. So I don’t think it’s a good idea to do the pad and pen exercise because it likely would increase the odds the insulted waiter or waitress would put EXTRA dairy in my meal.
The last time a waiter took our order without writing anything down, I wondered if it would be rude to bring along a notepad and pen when we go out to eat. If the server just stands there listening, without reaching for a pen, I’ll whip out my pad and start writing everything down. Then, before he or she can say, “Very good,” and walk away, I’ll rip out the page and hand it over and say, “Here ya go, pal. Just in case you forget the Hershey’s syrup. And I wrote ‘NO DAIRY’ in capital letters and underlined it twice. I hope you don’t mind.”
The thing is, I’m sure the waitperson would mind. So I don’t think it’s a good idea to do the pad and pen exercise because it likely would increase the odds the insulted waiter or waitress would put EXTRA dairy in my meal.
(By the way, I’m really struggling here with the proper terms to use. Should I keep writing “waiter or waitress”? Or is “waitstaff person” correct, despite how awkward it sounds? Or should I just go with “server,” even though that makes me think of a computer data center or a tennis player? Navigating this gender sensitive moment in history is a challenge for old folks like me.)
Another reason why I would never bring a pad and pen out to dinner is the fact that I wouldn’t get the orders correct anyway. While trying to scribble down, “Dressing on the side,” while someone else was saying, “Mixed vegetables instead of fries,” I’d probably write, “Dressing on the fries.” And I’m sure I’d completely miss the Hershey’s syrup request.
After I handed my list to the, um, “human being who waits on and/or serves the dining patrons,” there would be a slight pause and an exasperated sigh before the “Very good” comment. There is no doubt extra dairy would be added to my meal.
I’m pretty sure I addressed this subject in an essay a few years ago. But I don’t remember the details of what I wrote since I don’t have a Kreskin-like memory. But if I’ve repeated the exact same comments here, I’m sure a genius waitstaffer person will send me an email note to let me know. Right after adding extra dairy to his or her or their email message.
Another reason why I would never bring a pad and pen out to dinner is the fact that I wouldn’t get the orders correct anyway. While trying to scribble down, “Dressing on the side,” while someone else was saying, “Mixed vegetables instead of fries,” I’d probably write, “Dressing on the fries.” And I’m sure I’d completely miss the Hershey’s syrup request.
After I handed my list to the, um, “human being who waits on and/or serves the dining patrons,” there would be a slight pause and an exasperated sigh before the “Very good” comment. There is no doubt extra dairy would be added to my meal.
I’m pretty sure I addressed this subject in an essay a few years ago. But I don’t remember the details of what I wrote since I don’t have a Kreskin-like memory. But if I’ve repeated the exact same comments here, I’m sure a genius waitstaffer person will send me an email note to let me know. Right after adding extra dairy to his or her or their email message.
No comments:
Post a Comment