Wednesday, July 22, 2020

They Is Confused by Plural Pronouns

The other day a morning radio host offered his daily musical history quiz. He said, “On this date in 1962, this artist signed a record contract in their living room, with their parents present because they were only 16. The answer after this next song.”
 
I started thinking about it, since I had nothing else to think about while shaving at 6 a.m. Because the radio guy used plural pronouns three times, and said “they were only 16,” I thought maybe the singers in question were twins, since they apparently were the same age. I wracked my brain, which is always rather foggy that early in the morning, but couldn’t come up with any singing twins. I thought of lots of singing duos, but no twins. Then I said to myself, “Maybe it’s Donny and Marie Osmond. I always thought they were not twins, and I don’t think they were singing professionally in the early ‘60s, but no other names come to mind.” If I was a contestant on Jeopardy, and the topic was “Singing Siblings,” I would’ve shrugged and not pressed the button.
 
Finally, the song ended and the radio host gave the answer: “Leslie Gore.” I waited a moment, then muttered, “Leslie Gore — and who else?”
 
Then it dawned on me: the radio guy was employing plural pronouns that are not exclusively plural anymore.
 
Last December, the Merriam-Webster people announced the 2019 Word of the Year was “they,” specifically the singular use of “they” as a pronoun to refer to a person whose gender identity is nonbinary. By the way, it’s a good thing the word “nonbinary” was added to the M-W dictionary just a few months earlier.
 
A news story used this example: “Grammy-award winning singer-songwriter Sam Smith announced their decision to use gender neutral pronouns.” The article did not mention how old Sam was when they signed their first record contract.
 
Now, if you think I’m going to get into a big discussion here about gender binarity, and the passionate debate over how many genders there are (Facebook says at least 58), you are mistaken. 
 
I’m a libertarian who believes in “live and let live,” and I wouldn’t touch this subject with a ten-foot pole (or as the Grinch said, a 39-1/2 foot pole).
 
Besides, many of the things I thought were important four decades ago turned out not to be very big deals after all. So, these days, I’m picking my battles.
 
If some folks don’t like the fact that many pronouns are exclusively male or female, I sort of get it. Well, almost sort of. But my beef is with the singular-plural issue. It just seems bizarre for they/them/their to refer to one person.
 
For example, on the business-oriented social media platform LinkedIn, I often get notices like this: “Today is David’s work anniversary. Wish them congratulations by posting a message.” 
 
If David does not identify as male, then he will be, um, I mean, then there will be offense taken if the note said, “Wish him congratulations.” 
 
LinkedIn should do what I just did — dump the pronoun entirely. The notice should be phrased like this: “Today is David’s work anniversary. Offer congratulations by posting a message.”
 
See? It doesn’t offend the non-traditional gendered community, and it doesn’t offend those of us who got yelled at by Mrs. McGillicuddy for an entire year during 4th grade Grammar class until we got our pronouns right. 
 
I’ve been around long enough to remember Leslie Gore, which means this dog is way too old to learn new grammar tricks.
 
Let’s just avoid those gender specific singular pronouns as much as possible. When I read or hear someone use a plural pronoun instead of a singular pronoun, I mutter to myself: “We are not amused.” 

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