Wednesday, October 18, 2023

‘Mentanyl’ Can Make You Mental

 There’s yet another drug that is decimating our nation. It’s called mentanyl. Just like fentanyl, mentanyl is highly addictive and it can ruin your life. 

Have you ever tried to look up something simple on your smartphone, and then a half hour later you realize you never looked up the thing you originally wanted? But you have spent the last 30 minutes chasing silly click-bait content, such as trivia websites, celebrity “top 20 secrets!” lists, Tik Tok videos, Facebook and Instagram posts, and a dozen other enticing digital distractions. This is known as “mentanyl,” and it truly makes people mental.
By the way, I searched all over the internet trying to see if anyone has ever used the term “mentanyl” in this context, and I couldn’t find anything. So, until proven otherwise, I’m going to take credit for inventing this word.

Besides smartphones, people also get addicted to mentanyl using computers and televisions. For example, many people get all their information about the world from the biased cable news channel of their choice. This is why there are well-meaning folks in our country who sincerely believe that Matt Gaetz is a hero, while other people are certain that drag queens doing sexually suggestive dances for second graders is beneficial for society. Otherwise normal people would never cling to these twisted beliefs unless they were under the influence of mentanyl.

(Just so you know, I have no problem with drag shows for adults. I have no interest in attending, but I really don’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors. In the same vein, I’m not going to try to prevent anyone from setting up a shrine to their messiah, Representative Gaetz. But please, not in public, OK? I mean, those “evil Bond villain” eyebrows are gonna scare the children.)
The primary feature of most addictive substances is that they make users feel good for a little while, but then compel them to consume far too much. I know a fellow who used to abuse alcohol many years ago (I see this guy every time I look in a mirror). After one drink he started to relax. After two drinks he would offer fairly hilarious comments for his drinking buddies. After three drinks, he became insane. And he never stopped at two drinks.

Mentanyl is the same. Two minutes are spent reading an interesting Facebook post about Taylor Swift. But then there are a series of compelling TikTok videos about Madonna, Kevin Spacey, and Donald Trump, which require 30 minutes of the person’s time. The next thing they know, they have been staring at a flickering screen for six-and-a-half hours while barely blinking. The person has become disheveled, confused, and rather smelly. And their brain is slowly but surely turning into guacamole. When they finally break their gaze away from the screen, they walk across the room (stiffly, since their muscles have atrophied) and look out the window. They are genuinely surprised to see that it’s pitch black outside, when they thought it was only two o’clock in the afternoon.

This is what happens when a person is addicted to mentanyl. Their mental abilities at first get impaired, and then eventually cease to function altogether. 
There is no doubt fentanyl is the most dangerous drug of all. It can kill a person’s body in minutes. But mentanyl is quite bad, too. It can kill a person’s mind and soul within a few months. 

If things weren’t bad enough, now Artificial Intelligence software can create completely fake videos that are even more addictive. Whatever you do, stay away from the new fake video showing Representative Gaetz doing a drag queen performance. Or maybe it’s not fake.

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