As I mentioned previously, I quit
Facebook a while ago. I guess I couldn’t handle all the excitement of
discovering that a high school classmate, whom I haven’t seen in 40 years, had
cream of mushroom soup for lunch — again! And with photos. Whoo, it was so
breathtaking I needed a fainting couch.
But I haven’t quite cut myself off from
all social media, as I still have an account with LinkedIn.
If you’re not sure
what LinkedIn is, just think: Facebook for business. Instead of discovering
what a long lost classmate ate for lunch, LinkedIn lets me know what some guy I
met once at an industry seminar three years ago ate for lunch. It was tuna. And
there were photos. And yeah, once again it was so breathtaking I needed a
fainting couch.
Recently, LinkedIn informed me that
there are over 14,000 job openings in the greater Hartford area. Now why would
they bother telling me something like that? I’ve been told social media
companies have a remarkable ability to glean personal information from users —
to the point where privacy advocates are very worried.
If LinkedIn had accumulated any data
about me, they’d know three things: First, I’m not even looking for a job. I
enjoy what I’m doing for a living, and I don’t really care that there are over
14,000 job openings in central Connecticut.
Second, if LinkedIn knew anything about
me, they’d know that the vast majority of those 14,000 positions are jobs I neither
have interest in nor the ability to perform. The first job listed was “software
development manager.” Um, sure. When it comes to software, I’m a whiz, as in:
when my computer freezes up, I say, “I think I’ll go take a whiz, and hope when
I return the computer has magically healed itself.”
When something really weird happens to
my computer, such as a little window popping up that says, “You have 2 updates
pending,” I immediately yell across the office to our resident tech guru, “Tom!
What does this mean?!” So yeah, software development management and I go
together like ice cream and sardines.
Another job opening was “radiology
technician.” Well, I like to listen to the radio, and maybe that’s the main
duty of this particular occupation, but I kind of doubt it. After scanning a
few dozen more jobs, I didn’t see a single one that would be a good fit for me.
At that point I stopped looking, because the only people with time to browse 14,000
job openings are those who currently do not have a job. Not wanting to lose
mine, I closed out that window on my computer and resumed my important work
duties by yelling, “Tom! What does this mean?!”
Finally, if LinkedIn knew anything about
me, they would not waste time telling me about job openings, for the simple
reason that I turn 60 next week. Everyone knows companies will not hire people
who are age 60 or older. Oh sure, age discrimination is against the law. But
that just means employers are careful not to blurt out something stupid like,
“Whoa, you’re really OLD! We’re looking for someone who will still be working
here 10 or 20 years from now — not to mention still alive.”
Employers violate no law if they instead
tactfully say, “Thank you so much, Mr. Methuselah, for applying for this
position. We have many other qualified candidates yet to interview, and we will
be in touch soon.” Then after you leave, they run your application and résumé
through the shredder and have a good laugh.
So, I don’t know why LinkedIn sent me a
message about job openings. All I can say is, “Tom! What does this mean?!”
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