Here at the
start of summer, let’s discuss air conditioning. Most historians claim it was
invented by Willis Carrier in 1902 in New York City. However, this is not
correct. The first air conditioning system actually was invented thousands of
years ago. On a hot, steamy summer day, a caveman named Gork was mopping his
sweaty forehead with one hand and holding the electrical cord of his air
conditioning unit with the other hand. He asked his wife, “How come there are
no electrical outlets in this cave?”
Mrs. Gork, also
sweaty and uncomfortable, especially since her wardrobe consisted exclusively
of mastodon fur garments, replied, “Unless you figure out a way to cool down
this cave, you’re sleeping on the couch tonight!” This made Gork very sad, as
couches had yet to be invented, which meant he would be sleeping on a rock.
So Gork decided
to invent air conditioning. He roamed the countryside looking for something
cold. After many hours, he found a convenience store with an ice machine by the
front door. Gork was thrilled. But then the clerk informed him that the ice
machine was broken and no one knew when the repair man was supposed to arrive.
It wouldn’t have mattered anyway since Gork left his wallet back at the cave.
Gork continued
searching. Finally, in a deep thicket on the north side of a large hill, he
spotted a hoof protruding from the ground. He began to dig with his hands — wishing
he had remembered to bring not only his wallet, but also his shovel — and
unearthed the frozen carcass of a wildebeest.
Gork dragged
his icy treasure home. He placed the rapidly-thawing carcass in the middle of
his cave and waved palm branches up and down to blow cool air toward Mrs. Gork in
the bedroom. Although Gork did not particularly enjoy getting up every 20
minutes to wave the palm branches, it was much better than sleeping on a rock.
But the next
morning, as the sun rose on another hot and steamy day, Gork’s nostrils
informed him that his air conditioning invention still had a few bugs to work
out — specifically, the cloud of bugs furiously buzzing around the cave.
Although Mr. and Mrs. Gork were accustomed to some rather unpleasant smells — for example, they had never taken a bath in
their entire lives since Gork’s cousin Grunk had yet to invent plumbing — having
a rotting wildebeest carcass in the middle of the living room produced an aroma
that even the Gorks found bothersome.
Mankind’s
desire to cool the air on hot, steamy summer days remained an unfulfilled dream
for thousands of years until that fateful day in 1902 when Willis Carrier
walked into a Brooklyn printing shop dragging behind him palm branches and a
frozen wildebeest carcass.
Over the next
few decades, a series of technological advancements with electric motors,
pumps, and fans, combined with important innovations in the field of chemical
refrigerants, made it possible, at long last, to have safe, reliable, and
convenient systems for cooling indoor air which did not stink up the building
and attract bugs. (That job is still best performed by thoughtless employees
who leave food scraps and soda cans lying around the break room.)
We currently
live in an era where the task of cooling the air on hot, steamy summer days is
no longer a big deal. We now take it for granted that air conditioning
equipment will turn on at the touch of a button and make our homes and offices
quite comfortable. We should rejoice that we live in this particular time and
place.
Now if someone can
get the ice machine repair man to show up, we can really celebrate.
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