Last week I wrote about my fear of
driving in snow. It’s not just a fear of driving IN snow, it’s serious
trepidation about driving whenever the forecast calls for “possible flurries,”
even if nothing has yet to fall from the sky. It seems to me this feeling of
unease began when I turned 50. Before that age, I viewed snow like a Siberian
Husky views snow: something to get excited about and frolic in, even if I
occasionally sideswiped a mailbox or two while zig-zagging in my car on slippery
roads. (I’m referring, of course, only to those Siberian Huskies who have their
drivers licenses and who own rear-wheel-drive Oldsmobiles.)
However, a reader sent me an email and
suggested my fear of driving in snow is not due to my age, but rather it is
because of Scot Haney. The TV weatherpersons, the reader explained, have scared
the bejeezus out of everyone. (I’m hoping bejeezus is not a blasphemous word;
if so, sorry.)
The TV weatherfolks, it seems, treat every instance of “possible
flurries” as if it’s another Blizzard of ’78. And even if you weren’t alive or
living in Connecticut in 1978, you certainly know about that cataclysmic event
because every time we’re faced with a possible snowstorm, all the local TV
stations replay that classic grainy video of then-governor Ella Grasso famously
riding on the back of a Siberian Husky as she delivered food to stranded
citizens. (OK, that may not be exactly what Governor Grasso did, but the story
has become somewhat of a Paul Bunyanesque tale, with another layer of
exaggeration added every time it’s told.)
It is true that TV weather forecasters
get a bit excited whenever snow is expected. (I am using, of course, the
definition of the phrase “a bit excited” that means: screaming hysterically at
the top of their lungs and tearfully pleading with viewers never to go outside
again for the rest of their lives, because if they do so, they will surely suffer
a painful and horrible frost-bitten death.)
The reader also mentioned that the
over-the-top hype by TV weather personalities is the reason school superintendents
cancel classes so frequently, even if the predicted flurries never materialize.
I disagree. I think school superintendents are not influenced so much by
histrionic weather forecasters as they are by calm and cool trial lawyers, who
quietly growl in a perfect Clint Eastwood voice, “You wanna risk having a
school bus slide into a telephone pole? Go ahead, make my day.”
Well, I appreciate all the feedback and
analysis from that reader, not to mention from Governor Grasso, Clint Eastwood,
and the Siberian Husky behind the wheel of his Delta-88. But the fact is, my
unease with driving in snow nowadays is caused by something entirely different.
You see, driving in snow often means traveling no more than 15 MPH on a 45 MPH
state highway. This means it will take a lot longer to drive by a McDonald’s,
Dunkin Donuts, or other place with a public restroom. This was not a problem
back when I was 30, as I could wait hours, sometimes even days, it seemed,
between bathroom breaks. But now? Forget it. So, my reluctance to drive in snow
nowadays is not caused by a fear of having an accident, it is instead caused by
a fear of, um, having an accident, if you get my drift.
If you do get caught out in the snow,
have no fear: Governor Lamont will ride to your rescue on the back of a
Siberian Husky. At least that’s what he promised during his campaign, and we
all know he would never break a campaign promise.
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