Gravity Must Be Getting Stronger

During the past few decades, it’s become obvious that the force of gravity has increased significantly here on earth. Back in the 1970s and ‘80s, when I was a young man, the gravitational force had enough power to keep us from drifting up into the air and floating off into space. But in those days, gravity was not nearly as strong as it is today.

For example, in my school days, if I got a good running start, I could jump up high enough to dunk a tennis ball on a regulation basketball hoop. Unfortunately, the referees insisted that we use actual basketballs during games, so I couldn’t show off my slamma-jamma skills. But being able to get my fingers above the rim still was an impressive feat for a flat-footed suburban kid.

 

Also, in those days, I could jump up and grab the branch of a tree, pull myself up, and then climb 20 or 30 feet up into that tree. For a while one of my friends lived in an apartment on the third floor. I would run up those two flights of stairs, two steps at a time, and reach his door without even getting winded. That’s how weak the force of gravity was back in those days.

However, the power of gravity today is far stronger. Nowadays, I don’t think I can get high enough to touch even the net on a regulation basketball hoop. And when it comes to climbing trees or running up stairs two steps at a time, it’s pretty much impossible. The gravitational pull has gotten that much more powerful.

There are other tell-tale signs. A lot of my skin, especially on my face and neck, is sagging noticeably downward. It’s that darn gravity. And my doctor recently told me I am a full inch shorter than I was at age 25, because my spinal column has compressed. Well, you’d compress too if a force as strong as the new gravity was pulling down on you all day long.

 

This major increase in the power of gravity has created some other significant changes in our world compared to four decades ago. These days, the night sky is much darker than it used to be, especially on state highways. I suspect the strong gravitation force is pulling light waves right out of the air and down into the earth. That’s the only thing that makes sense to explain why I have such a hard time seeing anything while driving at night.

And the new, stronger gravitational pull somehow has affected printing presses, causing all of their type to shrink. When I try to read a book or a newspaper, the print size is ridiculously smaller than it was back in the ‘80s. I have to get a magnifying glass to see the words clearly. Obviously, another instance of the new more powerful gravitational force wreaking havoc in our lives.

This situation has me worried. If someone like me is struggling with the new, more powerful gravitational force, what about old people? After all, I’m in the prime of life (or as my wife tells me, “Let’s call it prime-plus-20, dear”). If gravity keeps getting stronger, what will happen when I get into my 70s and 80s?

 

Maybe the steady increase in gravity has peaked, and it soon will start going back the other way. That would be nice. If the gravitational force weakens enough, I’ll be able to dunk again, and this time with a real basketball. But just to make sure I can pull off a reverse tomahawk slamma-jamma, I’ll install a powerful spring in the bottom of my cane.