Writing for the ‘Hep Cat’ Crowd

Last week’s column discussed my views of the presidency. Here’s a summary: I have nothing against the presidency, just the egomaniacs who want to hold that office.
 
In the essay, I concluded that the best person to be president is Groucho Marx, because he famously said, “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” In other words, the President of the United States should be a person who is humble enough not to want the job. All the folks who desperately desire to be president are automatically disqualified, in my view, by the very fact they crave the job. And if you think I’m referring simply to the two old white guys who will be on the ballot in November, be aware there are at least 30 power-hungry people frantically working behind the scenes right now to position themselves to run in 2024. They all should have their heads examined.

 

Anyway, after last week’s column was published, it was pointed out to me that every single person I mentioned was famous ages ago. Today, their names are unknown to everyone except geezers like me. Hmm, I didn’t realize that.
 
Here is a list of the people I mentioned last week, what they are famous for, and when they were famous:
 
James Buchanan, President of the United States, 1857 to 1861.
 
Groucho Marx, comedian and movie star, 1920 to 1960.
 
Major Strasser, sinister character in the movie “Casablanca,” 1942.
 
Ed McMahon, sinister sidekick of Johnny Carson on “The Tonight Show,” 1962 to 1992.
 
Richard Nixon, sinister President of the United States, 1969 to 1974.
 
Joe Biden, comedian and sinister character The Joker in the movie “Batman,” 1989.

 

One alert reader sent me an email note that said: “How do you expect young adults to read your column when all the people you mentioned died decades ago?” The note continued, “You should mention celebrities and politicians that young people can relate to, such as Madonna, Bill Clinton, Elton John and Harrison Ford.”
 
Um, OK. I think this particular loyal reader might define “young people” as anyone who was born after World War II. I’m surprised he didn’t use the expression “hep cats.”
 
Here’s the thing: I did some extensive research recently, and discovered that of all the people who read my column on a regular basis, the average age is 77. I didn’t plan to be the official Western Connecticut AARP humor writer. It just kind of worked out that way. Even when I started this column almost 20 years ago, back before I was a geezer myself, the people who enjoyed my essays sent me notes — not the email kind, but the ones that are written on paper and delivered by the U.S. Postal Service — telling me I was a pretty clever fella, for a youngin’.
 
I kept waiting for feedback from readers in their 20s and 30s, but nothing came. Then it dawned on me: folks in their 20s and 30s don’t read newspapers anymore. They get all their information from social media. (Which is a polite way of saying they don’t get much information at all, just a mish-mash of biased rantings masquerading as news.)

 

As the years progressed, I aged right into my demographic, and now it would never occur to me NOT to refer to bygone celebrities such as Groucho Marx, Ed McMahon, and Joe Biden, because most of my readers can remember following their antics decades ago.
 
However, just in case a young adult accidentally stumbles across this column, here is an up-to-date, modern reference: Hey, how ‘bout that new singer, Elvis Presley? He can really shake his hips. Quite a hep cat, huh?