Thursday, August 12, 2021

Late Night Olympic Activities

Did you watch the Tokyo Olympics on TV a couple of weeks ago? (You did? Wow, you’re in the minority. The ratings were almost as low as the television ratings for the 1896 Athens Olympics.)
I was hoping for a better showing from my adopted home country, but the athletes from Nocturia did not fare very well. You could even say they made a splash early, but then trickled off before reaching the finish line.

During the Olympic games, I lost a lot of sleep in the middle of the night because of my beloved Nocturia. I wanted to root for them in real time, rather than wait for the replay the following day. And since I was up anyway, it worked out well.

I was hoping one of the Nocturians would win a gold medal (such an appropriate color), so the world could hear our glorious national anthem, a modified version of that old religious hymn, “Let the River Flow.”

If one of our athletes had won even a silver or bronze medal, the beautiful national flag of Nocturia would have been raised proudly up the flagpole. The flag is quite stunning. It has a black background with a full moon in the upper left, and the image of a waterfall cascading down on the right side. The moonlight gives the waterfall a warm, yellow glow. 

Whenever an Olympiad rolls around, the nation of Nocturia encounters a major problem trying to put together a competitive team. All the young and healthy citizens in the country between the ages of 18 and 35 rarely express any interest. It seems only middle-aged and senior citizens have a patriotic devotion to Nocturia. As you can imagine, this is quite a handicap. It’s difficult enough to compete against young and strong athletes from around the world, but it’s even worse when you rarely get a good night’s sleep.
I must say, however, that Nocturia regularly fields a fine swimming team. We almost won a couple of medals this year, but as often happens in the pool, right in the middle of the race our swimmers paused for about 10 seconds, then said, “Ahhh,” and continued on. Oh well, maybe next time.

We came so close to a medal in the Equestrian event. Our rider is a fine horseman named Swoal N. Prozztate. P-man, as we call him, is just a squirt of a fellow, but he’s a real whiz-kid in the saddle. He made it to the semi-finals, but in a close race with a rider from Argentina, P-man detoured off the course just yards from the finish line to search frantically for a highway rest area. 

It’s such a shame P-man did not win a medal. After the raising of the flags and the playing of the gold medal winner’s national anthem, he would’ve performed the traditional Nocturian folk dance right there on the podium. The dance consists of putting your knees together and walking in circles while biting your lower lip and closing your eyes in discomfort. 
People often ask me what it will take for a Nocturian athlete to win an Olympic medal. I always shrug my shoulders and reply, “Depends.”

I am certain my adopted home will win an Olympic medal one of these days. Of course, our chances will be significantly greater if the Olympic organizers add the following events: shuffleboard, bocce, checkers, bridge, and competitive napping.

If those events are included, there will be a stream of Olympic medals returning to the proud nation of Nocturia. The citizens will gush with pride. Joy will flood the land. It will be a whiz-bang day of celebration. And night. Multiple times at night.

 

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