It’s time once again for my semi-annual “Road Report,” where I give a first-hand account of the trials and tribulations of spending way too much time navigating the gorgeous stretch of highway we all know and love: Interstate-84.
(In keeping with the general tenor of my semi-monthly “Road Report,” you may notice that I employ certain words in ways that are atypical. That is, I type words such as “gorgeous” and “love,” when I really mean the exact opposite. This is done for a couple of reasons. First, it is sarcastically humorous — if you’re a fan of sarcasm, which, based on my email inbox, many people are not. And second, the International Road Report Society of Western Connecticut and Southern Idaho frowns upon using words like “ugly” and “hate.”)
(In keeping with the general tenor of my semi-monthly “Road Report,” you may notice that I employ certain words in ways that are atypical. That is, I type words such as “gorgeous” and “love,” when I really mean the exact opposite. This is done for a couple of reasons. First, it is sarcastically humorous — if you’re a fan of sarcasm, which, based on my email inbox, many people are not. And second, the International Road Report Society of Western Connecticut and Southern Idaho frowns upon using words like “ugly” and “hate.”)
So, here is my semi-weekly “Road Report.” First, the good news: I-84 is still there. We are able to travel from Sturbridge, MA, all the way to Scranton, PA, in slightly less time than it would take to walk that distance. (Unless it’s rush hour. Then it’s about four hours longer.)
Now, here is the bad news: I-84 is still there. This means countless cities and towns are still sliced in half by this macadam monstrosity. Whether it’s Hartford, Waterbury, Danbury, Newburgh, Scranton, or hundreds of towns in between, each of these communities has an east-west gouge through its very heart, altering forever the particular burg’s character and charm.
Here are some additional fun facts I recently dug up (mostly because I was bored when our cable stopped working): When the Interstate Highway System was proposed in the late 1950s, the reason given was the fact most roads, such as Route 6 in Connecticut, were old and overburdened. (“Old and overburdened”? That should be my personal motto.)
The creation of I-84 relieved traffic congestion on roads like Rt. 6. But it did cause something unexpected to occur: traffic congestion on I-84.
Now, here is the bad news: I-84 is still there. This means countless cities and towns are still sliced in half by this macadam monstrosity. Whether it’s Hartford, Waterbury, Danbury, Newburgh, Scranton, or hundreds of towns in between, each of these communities has an east-west gouge through its very heart, altering forever the particular burg’s character and charm.
Here are some additional fun facts I recently dug up (mostly because I was bored when our cable stopped working): When the Interstate Highway System was proposed in the late 1950s, the reason given was the fact most roads, such as Route 6 in Connecticut, were old and overburdened. (“Old and overburdened”? That should be my personal motto.)
The creation of I-84 relieved traffic congestion on roads like Rt. 6. But it did cause something unexpected to occur: traffic congestion on I-84.
Construction on the Connecticut portion of Interstate-84 began in 1961. Which means highway repair work and the Orange Cone Brigade began to appear in 1962. Thankfully, the Dept. of Transportation recently announced that repair work on I-84 is scheduled to be completed in the spring of the year 2472. However, there are rumors that the repair work is a bit behind schedule and may not be finished until the fall of 2472. I’m glad to report that funding for I-84 repair work is not a problem. This is mostly due to the fact that no one in Congress can count that high. Therefore, no problem!
OK, enough of the fun facts. (That’s my way of saying the cable’s working again, so I don’t have to research obscure highway trivia anymore, and I can go back to typing distractedly on my laptop computer while most of my attention is focused on this week’s episode of “The Masked Singer.”) In this edition of my semi-daily “Road Report,” I have a stunning announcement to make. For the first time since the day Benjamin Franklin invented the Ford Model-T automobile, BMW drivers are no longer the most obnoxious and reckless people behind the wheel. The number one spot now belongs to Audi drivers. Don’t fret Beemer lovers. You are currently a close second, and if a few more of you cut me off as you zig-zag through traffic at 90 MPH, you may once again regain the top spot.
OK, enough of the fun facts. (That’s my way of saying the cable’s working again, so I don’t have to research obscure highway trivia anymore, and I can go back to typing distractedly on my laptop computer while most of my attention is focused on this week’s episode of “The Masked Singer.”) In this edition of my semi-daily “Road Report,” I have a stunning announcement to make. For the first time since the day Benjamin Franklin invented the Ford Model-T automobile, BMW drivers are no longer the most obnoxious and reckless people behind the wheel. The number one spot now belongs to Audi drivers. Don’t fret Beemer lovers. You are currently a close second, and if a few more of you cut me off as you zig-zag through traffic at 90 MPH, you may once again regain the top spot.
Well, we’re just about out of space for this edition of my semi-centennial “Road Report.” I hope you enjoyed this analysis of everyone’s favorite old and overburdened section of interstate highway. By the way, everything I’ve written here is pure nonsense (except the Audi thing; those guys are insane!), but I’m sure that was semi-obvious.
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