'Lifestyles of the Old and Famous'

A lot of famous rock stars are now in their 80s: Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney, and Mick Jagger, to name a few. And Mick’s bandmate, Keith Richards, will turn 80 in a couple of months. The fact that any of these guys, especially Keith, is still alive is a miracle, even if only half of what the tabloids say about their “rock n’ roll lifestyle” is actually true. 

I watched my parents go through their 80s before they passed away. I saw firsthand what it’s like to be in that age range, with a myriad of health concerns and other daily struggles. Somehow, I just can’t imagine Mick Jagger sitting in a comfy chair, with an afghan draped across his legs, watching “The Price Is Right” reruns all afternoon. (With the TV volume, of course, turned up to 100.)

And I can’t imagine Keith Richards sitting at the kitchen table for an hour on Sunday morning with a bunch of prescription containers, carefully putting his medication into one of those seven-day plastic pill organizers. Actually, now that I think about it, Keith has probably been doing exactly that each week since the mid-1960s – except the word “prescription” was never associated with any of his pills. 

Even though Bob Dylan is kind of an oddball, I don’t think he looks out his window repeatedly during the day, waiting to see if the mailman has come. If he does do that, he’s probably anticipating the arrival of massive royalty checks, not this month’s issue of AARP Magazine, along with urgent requests from 20 different non-profit religious organizations, all claiming Saint Jude as their inspiration. 

Dylan is just weird enough that he very well may sit there with an afghan and binge-watch reruns of “The Price Is Right.” I mean, who doesn’t like the late, great Bob Barker?

During the last decade of their lives, my parents were really bored. After all, even Bob Barker gets a little tedious after five straight hours. Since leaving the house and driving even a short distance was exhausting for them, they stayed home most of the time. Their greatest thrill was having family members stop by for a visit.

I don’t think the likes of Mick, Keith, Bob, and Paul have a boredom problem. There are probably dozens of lawyers, accountants, and music producers who are constantly trying to meet with them and pitch new projects. These world famous rock n’ roll legends most likely roll their eyes and wish everyone would just leave them alone so they can take a nap. I know I hate it when dozens of lawyers, accountants, and book publishers constantly badger me to pitch new projects. Of course, in my case, I’m already napping and the lawyers, accountants, and publishers exist only in my dreams.

Maybe it is true that elderly rock stars spend much of their day like all the average folks who have reached their 80s. Maybe doctors appointments, today’s mail, and which brand of soup is on sale this week are their main concerns during a typical day.  

Yes, on second thought, I’m sure Mick and Keith’s senior citizen years are no different than my parents’. I remember my mom always being concerned about whether her fleet of private jets were producing a large enough tax write-off. And my dad spent half his day ducking from the paparazzi and fighting off nubile groupies. So, I guess being elderly is the same, no matter if you are famous or not. 

I do hope that Mick and Keith’s favorite soup is on sale this week, and that Bob and Paul remember to take their blood pressure pills. And I hope their grandkids stop by for a visit.