Gravity Gets Stronger As We Age

Gravity is something that most of us take for granted. (Or, as some folks like to say, “Take for granite,” which is not a grammatical blunder if you are falling off a cliff in New Hampshire. In that case, both gravity and granite will be major aspects of the state police accident report.) 

Anyway, the force of gravity keeps everything on earth from floating off into space. If gravitational forces suddenly ceased and everyone started to float away, it would make it, among other things, very difficult to get to work on time. Although that might not be the first thing that pops into anyone’s mind while drifting into the sub-zero temperatures of the stratosphere.

Remember when astronauts went to the moon, and we learned that gravity on the moon is only one-sixth as strong compared to earth? Even though they were wearing heavy, bulky spacesuits, the astronauts were hopping across the lunar surface like kangaroos and hitting golf balls 500 yards with one-handed swings.

Scientists tell us that gravity on earth is essentially constant. There are actually some barely perceptible variations, and if you ever have trouble falling asleep at night, just read the detailed explanations in a science journal. 

Even though most scientists say that gravity on earth is constant, I have discovered that the scientists are missing something very important. The force of gravity increases as we get older.

Just look at the faces and bodies of elderly people. Everything is sagging. Why? Because gravity is much stronger for these people. 

What is a major worry for old folks? Falling down. And why do seniors fall so often? Too much gravity.

Remember when you were in your 20s and you could bound up a flight of stairs two steps at a time? What is it like going up those same stairs now? Right, you slowly plod your way upward, one step at a time, and then have to pause to catch your breath at the top. Did the stairs change? No, gravity changed.

While astronauts can hit a golf ball 500 yards on the moon, I can’t even hit a drive 180 anymore, while I used to hit my tee shots around 250 (never straight, though). What changed? Obviously my personal gravity has gotten much stronger with age.

The original equation for gravity was determined by Sir Isaac Newton, who declared: 


That is, the gravitational force between two bodies is equal to the mass of the first body times the mass of the second body, times a gravitational constant; all divided by the distance between the two bodies squared. If you understand any of that, then you paid attention in physics class — something I did not. I may be baffled by the formula for gravity, but I do know how to cut and paste from a website.

My new scientific breakthrough means we have to add another section to Newton’s equation. We have to multiply everything by “(A/30)”, with “A” being your current age, divided by 30, a peak-health constant. This means that when you are 20 years old, gravity is only about two-thirds as strong. When you are 30, gravity is what Newton said. When you are 45 years old, gravity is now about 50% stronger than when you were 30. And when you are 60 years old, gravity is twice as strong. What about age 90? Don’t even ask.

So, don’t take gravity for granted (or granite). We need gravity to keep us from floating off into space. But be aware, as you get older, gravity gets stronger. I don’t have detailed scientific data to back up my claim, just a lot of real world experience.