Tuesday, May 16, 2017

St. Peter Must’ve Been Drunk

In this week’s second reading at Mass, St. Peter tells us, “Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope (in Christ).”

Whoa! What was Peter thinking?! Talk to people about our religious beliefs? Was he drunk when he wrote that epistle?

And what were those bishops thinking when they chose this verse to be part of the Sunday readings at church? What do they think we are, a bunch of fundamentalist Jesus freaks?

We don’t talk about our faith. We’re Catholics, for Heaven’s sake. American Catholics at that. We are proud of the fact we do not let religious doctrines interfere with our busy lives. We’re modern, sophisticated, and enlightened. We’re proud that we are now indistinguishable from the rest of secular society.

Of course, even if we wanted to talk about our faith, we can’t. It’s against the law. This is America, don’t forget. We have the First Amendment, which very clearly spells out a strict separation of church and state. It says right in the Constitution (somewhere, I’m sure) that everybody has the right to have religious faith, as long as they keep it to themselves. I believe it’s in the oft-cited “Can’t impose intolerant values on others” clause.

Someone should really talk to those bishops. This is embarrassing. Don’t they realize we American Catholics have taken our cue from all those progressive Catholic scholars working at Catholic universities? For example, consider Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. The school supports a “Medical Students for Choice” club, which not only promotes abortions, but also trains students how to perform them. How enlightened and progressive!

Or how about the chancellor of Boston College and the president of Notre Dame? A while back they told the National Conference of Catholic Bishops in no uncertain terms that they oppose any attempts to revitalize the authentically Catholic character of Catholic colleges and universities. That would infringe on “academic freedom,” not to mention raise the eyebrows of scholars at secular institutions, whose approval and acceptance they so desperately crave.

If we the laity have finally done such a good job of putting our religious beliefs into proper perspective, why in the world are we being subjected to such a bizarre Scripture verse, one calling on us to be ready to actually TALK about our faith?

The passage from Peter’s epistle goes on to give advice about how we should do this talking, and warns, “…so that, when you are maligned…”

OK, wait one minute. Now I know Peter was drunk. He knew in advance that when we talk about our faith in Christ it’s bound to offend people and get them angry at us, and yet he instructed us to do it anyway? What was his problem?!

Maybe things were different back in Peter’s day, but today the one thing we must avoid at all costs is offending anyone. Centuries ago those unenlightened, ignorant folks worshipped God as if He were real and personal. Today we know better. We now worship equality above all else. Everything’s equal. All ideas are equal; all behaviors are equal; all values are equal.

This way no one gets offended. We don’t have to get bogged down with questions of truth and values, right and wrong. Today we understand it’s better to have no beliefs than to have firm beliefs. It’s better to accept everything than to stand for anything.

But come to think of it, this Scripture reading and Peter’s instructions are not necessary. We American Catholics already know how “to give an explanation” about our faith. The most common expression in our modern vocabulary says it all: “Whatever…”

It couldn’t be more clear. Someone should tell those bishops to lighten up and join the modern world. 

(Oh, by the way, in case you’re not quite sure, this is satire. St. Peter’s command is really something we should follow.)

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