Tech Review: the Apple Watch

This is your tech guru, Digital Dunnster, with another review of the latest and greatest in electronic gadgets. Our subject today is the Apple Watch.

The Apple Watch is the most recent intriguing device developed by Apple Corporation, the wildly successful high-tech company that brought the world iPods, iPhones, iPads, and iPizzas.

The Apple Watch is a small touch-screen computer that attaches to your wrist. The device is synchronized via wireless Bluetooth technology to an iPhone, which typically is in the user’s pants pocket.

Although this review is focused on the Apple Watch, let me first say a few things about the iPhone. The iPhone is without a doubt the second greatest invention in the history of planet earth. (The greatest invention is the glazed cruller.)

The iPhone is a multi-faceted wonder that allows the owner to send and receive text messages and emails, surf the Internet, and use thousands of fascinating and useful applications. The iPhone also has a built-in camera, video recorder, flashlight, GPS, address book, calculator, stop-watch, and alarm clock. It can store and play thousands of songs and dozens of movies. And if you were wondering, yes, the iPhone has driven many companies that used to make these items out of business. Oh, and one other thing: the iPhone occasionally is used to make phone calls.

Personally speaking, I don’t know what I would do without my iPhone. I’d probably be forced to have face-to-face conversations with people. Yeow.

The Apple Watch was developed to be a companion to the iPhone. Besides displaying the time (after an annoying pause), the Apple Watch offers various functions and alerts, so the user does not have to be burdened with the incredibly disruptive and difficult task of, um, looking at a phone.

After many months of wondering whether I should buy an Apple Watch, I went on a fact-finding mission at an Apple Store in the mall. My plan was to have the customer service person explain all the features and benefits to me, and then I would ponder this information and make a decision in a week or two. So, twenty minutes later, I walked out of the store with my new Apple Watch. (My comment to my wife: “Good thing I didn’t go to a BMW dealership.”)

I very much wanted the Watch to be worth the investment. It’s been about a month now, and I’ve tried hard to utilize every feature available on the Watch. Here is a summary: the iPhone in my pocket can do hundreds of different things, and do them very well. The Apple Watch on my wrist can do dozens of the same things the iPhone can do, and do them rather poorly. (Poorly is probably not the best way to phrase it, but I’m not sure if “mediocrely” is an actual word.)

So, here’s my advice to all readers out there wondering if the Apple Watch is a good idea: if you are in a situation where you have only two financial choices, either (1) buy an Apple Watch, or (2) take four one-hundred dollar bills and toss them into a blazing fireplace, then I recommend purchasing the Apple Watch. It will be a better use of your money — barely.

 However, if your situation allows for other financial choices, such as sending your pet to a Doggie Day Spa, buying $400 worth of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, or putting it all on “red” at a Roulette table at Foxwoods Casino, then I would say do not purchase the Apple Watch. You definitely can get more bang for your buck elsewhere. 

If I had it to do all over again, I definitely would go with the Peanut Butter Cups.