Back when I wrote that, I thought it was funny and clever. Many times over the years I’ve written things that I thought were funny and clever, only to have alert readers send me email notes pointing out that what I wrote was actually offensive and dumb. (Way back in the olden days, I decided to call this column “A Matter of Laugh or Death.” Turns out, at least according to many readers, I could’ve called it “A Matter of Offensive and Dumb.”)
Anyway, now that my 65th birthday will be this Sunday, I’m the one who has to send an email note to myself pointing out that my column from 20 years ago was offensive and dumb. One good thing, however, is the certainty that what I described in that old column cannot possibly come true on my 65th birthday. That’s because it will be a Sunday and I won’t be at work. Oh, I still could slump forward onto my computer keyboard, dead as a doornail, but it will occur at home rather than at work. So, I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
Yes, so let’s assume I’ll still be around for a while, which means Option B did not pan out, so we’re back to Option A on the company retirement plan. Unfortunately, Option A requires you to diligently sock away money each month into a retirement account, beginning no later than age 35. Hmm, I guess that ship has sailed.
All I have to do is keep working for another 10 years. I’ll have plenty of retirement income during the next decade, just no retirement. Then, at age 75, I’ll implement “Option B plus 10” on the company retirement plan. Problem solved! So, I got that goin’ for me, which is nice, er, I mean, offensive and dumb.