I freely admit that I’m a suburbanite/country bumpkin kind of guy. So, if I spend any time in a big city, it’s a major adventure. Chicago is an amazing city. In January, Chicago is an amazingly cold city. I was there six weeks ago for a tradeshow, and overall my trip was great.
However, I stayed in a very fancy hotel, and the country bumpkin in me was rather baffled by some of the high falutin’ amenities. For example, my room had an ultra modern coffee machine. It operated similarly to a Keurig coffee maker, except with nine extra levels of complexity.
My coffee maker simply would not work. I hesitate to claim it was broken, because maybe I was doing something incorrectly. The machine had a sticker that listed the 11-step process required to brew a single cup, so maybe I did one of these steps out of sequence. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe a person needs a Doctorate in mechanical engineering to get a cup of coffee in a downtown Chicago hotel.
The coffee maker situation was not insurmountable, since I could go down to the hotel lobby and get a Starbucks coffee for $8.50. (I suspect the Starbucks baristas were a bit shocked that I was in my underwear with a towel draped over my shoulder. But hey, that’s my standard attire whenever I have a cup of coffee in a hotel room.)
The other thing that puzzled me about my ultra-fancy hotel room was the shower. As a country bumpkin kind of guy, I’ve always thought a bathtub with a shower curtain was more than adequate. But nowadays all the classy hotels — no doubt inspired by trend-setting cities such as Paris, London, and Naugatuck — have replaced the good ol’ tub and shower curtain setup with The Glass Box.
My coffee maker simply would not work. I hesitate to claim it was broken, because maybe I was doing something incorrectly. The machine had a sticker that listed the 11-step process required to brew a single cup, so maybe I did one of these steps out of sequence. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe a person needs a Doctorate in mechanical engineering to get a cup of coffee in a downtown Chicago hotel.
The coffee maker situation was not insurmountable, since I could go down to the hotel lobby and get a Starbucks coffee for $8.50. (I suspect the Starbucks baristas were a bit shocked that I was in my underwear with a towel draped over my shoulder. But hey, that’s my standard attire whenever I have a cup of coffee in a hotel room.)
The other thing that puzzled me about my ultra-fancy hotel room was the shower. As a country bumpkin kind of guy, I’ve always thought a bathtub with a shower curtain was more than adequate. But nowadays all the classy hotels — no doubt inspired by trend-setting cities such as Paris, London, and Naugatuck — have replaced the good ol’ tub and shower curtain setup with The Glass Box.
In the Chicago hotel, The Glass Box was a narrow rectangle with the glass entry door on the far left side and the plumbing fixtures on the far right side. The shower head itself was about the size of a dinner plate and was suspended from the ceiling, about 18 inches in from the wall. In order to reach the handle to turn on the water and set the temperature, you had to stand directly under the shower head. The Glass Box was too narrow to stand off to the side.
Now, at this point, if you are a celebrated architect or interior designer, you see no problem with this scenario, since The Glass Box is so beautiful. But if you are a lowly suburbanite/country bumpkin, you already understand that when you rotate the handle to turn the shower on, all the water that’s been sitting in the pipes overnight — which is no longer anything resembling “warm” — comes gushing down right onto your head.
The first morning that happened to me, I thought, “Whoa, I must’ve done it wrong. Just like the coffee maker, there’s gotta be a correct way to do this that I haven’t figured out yet.”
Now, at this point, if you are a celebrated architect or interior designer, you see no problem with this scenario, since The Glass Box is so beautiful. But if you are a lowly suburbanite/country bumpkin, you already understand that when you rotate the handle to turn the shower on, all the water that’s been sitting in the pipes overnight — which is no longer anything resembling “warm” — comes gushing down right onto your head.
The first morning that happened to me, I thought, “Whoa, I must’ve done it wrong. Just like the coffee maker, there’s gotta be a correct way to do this that I haven’t figured out yet.”
Well, even though I had two more mornings to try and figure it out, it seemed the only way to keep from getting a blast of cold water on my head was to track down a maintenance guy, borrow a broom, and use it to turn the shower handle from a distance. But based on the baristas’ reaction earlier, I decided not to wander around the lobby in my underwear looking for a maintenance guy.
All in all, it was a fine trip to the Windy City. But in the future, if any hotel wants to offer a “Country Bumpkin” travel package, with a simple coffee maker and a tub with a shower curtain, they’ve got my business.
All in all, it was a fine trip to the Windy City. But in the future, if any hotel wants to offer a “Country Bumpkin” travel package, with a simple coffee maker and a tub with a shower curtain, they’ve got my business.
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