Exclusive Interview with Bugs Bunny

(Appearing each week in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT)

There was a major Hollywood milestone a couple weeks ago. It was Bugs Bunny’s 75th birthday. On July 27, 1940, the wascally wabbit made his first ever appearance in a Warner Brother’s cartoon, titled “A Wild Hare.”

Now, 75 years later, the Oscar-winning rabbit is retired and living in a condo in Naples, Florida. Since I am a powerful and influential member of the media, I was able to set up a private lunch meeting with Bugs recently to discuss his historic career.

We sat in a quiet booth toward the rear of a family restaurant. I ordered a club sandwich, and everyone in the restaurant knew what Bugs ordered as soon as the waiter brought our meals. In his high-pitched voice, with that unmistakable New York accent, Bugs broke into song: “Carrots are divine, you get a dozen for a dime, it’s maaaa-gic!”

Some of the other senior citizens in the restaurant smiled and waved. They’d recognize that famous voice anywhere. However, many of the teens and younger children looked up from their phones, shrugged in confusion, and then dove back into their little hand-held electronic universe.

“See?” Bugs said to me. “The old timers remember me, but the younger generation doesn’t have a clue.”

I asked him why he retired so abruptly and left Hollywood behind. “I didn’t leave them,” he replied, “they left me. Have you seen the new animation, with that computer-generated malarkey? It’s awful! Pixar, schmixar! Computers are the worst thing that ever happened to the movie business — not counting Adam Sandler, of course. He’s a putz.”

“So Bugs, how do you spend your days here in Florida?” I asked.

He replied, “What’s up, doc?”

I smiled and said, “Thank you. I was hoping you would offer your signature phrase for me.”

He rolled his eyes and said, “What a maroon. That wasn’t for you. That’s how I spend my time. I say, ‘What’s up, doc?’ to real doctors at least twice a day. My full time job nowadays is to go to medical appointments and get prescriptions. Look at this,” he said, as he lifted up one of his feet, which was at least 30 inches long. “I go to three different podiatrists! I’m tellin’ ya, kid, don’t get old.”

“Do you miss the folks you used to work with?” I asked.

Bugs nodded slowly and smiled. “Dose were good times. Elmer Fudd was a dear friend. Too bad he died in that tragic accident. As it turned out, there actually was ‘one buwwet weft.’

“And Yosemite Sam was a real sweetheart. Did you know his real name was Percival Feldman? And he played the cello? That whole rip-roaring, shoot ‘em up persona was just an act.

“One guy I don’t miss is the duck,” he said.

“You mean Daffy Duck?” I asked.

“Right. He was just as annoying off camera as he was on camera. One of my most famous lines, ‘Of course you know this means war!’ was actually an ad lib. One day during filming I just wanted to strangle that SOB. I hear they finally had to lock him away in a funny farm. Gee, who saw dat coming?!”

Just then a very foul odor wafted by. As I cringed, Bugs laughed and said, “Ain’t I a stinker? I’m seeing two different gastroenterologists. I’ve got all kinds of stomach problems these days.”

All too quickly our meeting was over. As we got up to leave, I thanked Bugs profusely for his time, and then I said with a smile, “Don’t forget to take that left turn at Albuquerque!” 

He shook his head and muttered, “Don’t think it hasn’t been a little slice of heaven — cuz it hasn’t!”

Be of Good Cheer

One of my favorite passages from Scripture is John 16:33. Jesus says to His disciples, “In this world you will have tribulation. But be of good cheer. For I have overcome the world.”

This is such an important lesson for us. First, Jesus reminds us of an undeniable truth: life is hard. You’d be surprised how many people truly believe that life is supposed to be all lollipops and rainbows, without a care in the world. Well, Jesus didn’t think so, and He used a pretty powerful word, “tribulation.”

If you were too busy watching YouTube videos of frolicking kittens while eating Haagen-Dazs straight from the carton, maybe you haven’t noticed that our world is a mess today. Even within the Catholic Church there is plenty of upheaval. A large number of Catholics are quite upset these days, convinced the pope is a Marxist who wants to turn the Church into a left-wing, hippie commune. Many other Catholics also are upset, and can’t understand why the pope refuses to embrace abortion, same-sex marriage, and the ordination of women. These folks fear the Church is becoming a bastion of right-wing intolerance. And then there’s another group of Catholics, kind of stuck in the middle, who just want to go to Mass in peace and take a little break from all the angry political rants that seem to permeate our society nowadays.

Outside the Church, in the secular culture, things are even more chaotic: terrorism, hatred, fraud, dishonesty, violence, crumbling infrastructure, greed, unemployment, frayed nerves, crushing debt, illness, substance abuse, loneliness, fear, despair, and death. (Other than these things, our world is pretty peachy, huh?)

So when we read Jesus’ first statement, “In this world you will have tribulation,” anyone who is paying attention will reply, “Oh man, you got that right, Lord!”

Then, after correctly diagnosing our painful situation here on earth, Jesus offers His second statement: “But be of good cheer.”

This causes many people to pause and say, “Um…hey Lord, you must be kidding, right? The world is a mess, full of heartache and suffering, and you want us to paste a silly grin on our face and act like everything is fine? Nothing personal, Lord, but maybe you’ve been standing out in the sun a little too long.”

On the surface, it is kind of odd. Jesus seemingly is saying: Life stinks, so be happy! Maybe He wants us to ignore our troubles by watching YouTube videos of frolicking kittens and eating Haagen-Dazs straight from the carton.

The first two statements by Jesus only make sense in light of His third statement. After telling us that our lives will be filled with struggles and our response should be joyful optimism, Jesus tells us how that is possible: “For I have overcome the world.”

You see, Christ has conquered sin and death. When Jesus died on the cross, He paid the price for our sin. When He rose three days later, He conquered death once and for all. And then He promised that if we put our faith in Him, we can have eternal life in Heaven. 

If we cling to Jesus—with the same intensity that a shipwreck victim clings to a floating piece of wood—we can handle all the trials and tribulations of life. We can even reach a point where we once again notice and embrace all the good aspects of life. (Yes, there are some, if you look closely enough.) We truly can be filled with good cheer. But it’s only possible when we realize that Jesus has overcome the world. And it makes the Haagen-Dazs taste even better.

‘Attitude of Gratitude’ observation for Sunday morning

I am grateful for community theater. It’s truly amazing that so many talented people would invest so much time and effort to put on a dazzling show—and receive zero in financial compensation in return.

We saw a production of “Man of La Mancha” last night in a delightful open-air theater. And it was a gorgeous cool and dry summer night, too!

The music was fabulous; the singing and acting talent were first-rate; and the plot of the show was, well…if you’ve ever seen it, you know the “La Mancha” storyline is about as weird as it gets. But because of the music, it still was a powerful and moving experience. The singers/actors on stage and musicians in the orchestra have so much talent! 

I am very grateful the missus and I had to chance to attend. And I’m very grateful so many talented people choose to share their gifts with others, even though they don’t get paid.

IF THE PROTESTORS GOT THEIR WISH…

Eight years ago I wrote a controversial op-ed piece, which was published on the anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima. The point of the piece was two-fold: first, to remind people that second-guessing, Monday-morning-quarterbacking is a staple of political discourse in our country; no matter what decision is made, someone is going to question it after the fact and claim the alternative would’ve been much better. And second, to get folks, especially pacifists, to ponder whether it truly would’ve been more humane to avoid using the bombs.

Anyway, I don’t think I’m quite the callous, psychotic, war-monger that many claimed after the piece appeared in the paper. It was simply an exercise in “What if…?” 

Today, on the 70th anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima, I’d like to reprint that essay:

IF THE PROTESTORS GOT THEIR WISH…

By Bill Dunn

It is August 6th once again. This year, just like every year, there will be somber memorial services for the countless lives needlessly snuffed out. Also, just like every year, there will be expressions of outrage at the callous and cruel actions of the U.S. government during the final days of World War II.

As all students of history know, August 6th is a sad date. For it was on August 6, 1947—just three months after World War II ended—that the stunning news leaked out: the U.S. military possessed a weapon that could have ended the war much sooner.

For almost two full years President Harry Truman and top generals kept secret the fact that American scientists had developed the atomic bomb. While the nation’s leaders hid this information from the public, the gruesome Invasion of Japan continued month after deadly month.

Historians still argue about what the exact results would have been if atomic bombs had been used against Japan when they were first available in the summer of 1945. Some historians speculate the war would have ended by the spring of 1946, a full year before fighting actually ended. A small number of rather optimistic historians claim that if atomic explosions occurred in two or three key cities, the Japanese military would have surrendered within days. Oh, wouldn’t that have been a joyous outcome?

The majority of historians believe if the atomic bombs had been used, the war would have come to a close by the end of 1945. Most importantly, virtually all historians agree that the deadly Invasion of Japan would not have been necessary if Truman had only given the OK to use the atom bombs.

Just think how different the world would be today if Truman had shown some backbone. For starters, the name “Harry” would not be synonymous with the word “wimp,” as it has been now for six decades. And his memorable high-pitched, nasally plea, “But nuclear weapons are just so horrific!” would not have entered the popular lexicon—along with Neville Chamberlain’s, “Peace in our time!”—as one of the all-time milquetoast statements in history.

Also, Mr. Truman would have been spared the humiliating impeachment proceedings that took place during the first half of 1948. Although the Senate ultimately did not vote to remove him from office, Truman’s political career was effectively ruined, paving the way for President Thomas Dewey’s landslide victory in November of that year.

Of course, the greatest impact of Truman’s decision—or rather, his inability to make a decision—is the huge number of precious lives needlessly lost. The Invasion of Japan was simply the bloodiest and most costly military operation in all of human history. General Dwight Eisenhower, who was killed in a kamikaze raid in January 1946, said before his death, “The Invasion of Japan makes the D-Day invasion at Normandy seem like a weekend picnic.”

The American losses were staggering: 260,000 killed and over 700,000 wounded. But the Japanese losses during that campaign truly boggle the mind: an estimated 2.8 million killed and at least 5 million wounded. This does not include the vast number of Japanese who died from famine and disease in the years after the war, as the thoroughly shattered nation struggled to rebuild, a process not fully completed even to this day.

In comparison, if the atomic bombs had been employed, experts agree that the worst-case scenario would have been approximately 200,000 Japanese killed immediately, with another 100,000 dead from the effects of radiation, and virtually no American losses.

As the New York Times pointed out in a famous editorial at the time, an editorial faithfully reprinted each August 6th as a reminder to the world: “Cutting away a cancerous tumor is not without pain or cost, but it is much preferred to the alternative: the patient’s death.”

This year, just like every year, there will be candlelight services around the world on August 6th. There will be heartfelt mourning for those who never had the chance to live full and productive lives. There will be condemnation of the cruel and insensitive actions by the U.S. government. And there will be, just like every year, a vow never to let indecision or a lack of courage be the cause of needless death and destruction ever again. If nothing else, the memory of that fateful day, August 6th, reminds us that the world cannot long survive without courage.

©2007

Old Ad Evokes Old Patriotism

An old television commercial back in the mid-1970s described things that are quintessentially American: “Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet.” I guess that’s true, as long as we ignore the fact that baseball was derived from the British game “rounders”; hot dogs were invented by Germans; the name Chevrolet is French; and apple pie — well, I’m not sure about the exact origins, but I suppose people in other parts of the world were baking apple pies long before Columbus ran aground on a continent he wasn’t even looking for.

That just shows how much America truly is a melting pot — or as Archie Bunker used to say, “smelting pot.” (But please be careful. The University of California system recently warned all professors to avoid using the term “melting pot,” which is now considered a “micro-aggression,” something that may cause especially delicate students to wet themselves. No, I’m not kidding. No clue why, but it’s true. Look it up.)

Now, of course, the whole purpose of that old commercial was to sell automobiles. A cynic might say the ad should’ve said, “Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and faulty ignition switches.” Or, “Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and government bailouts.” But I’m not a cynic. (Yeah, right. Even I’m not buying that line.)

Cynicism aside, that old commercial did a brilliant job of striking a chord in the hearts of many people, evoking nostalgic thoughts of patriotic Americana. I’m not sure if the sale of Chevys increased, but I bet the commercial caused hot dog and apple pie sales to rise.

Earlier this summer, during the 4th of July weekend, I inadvertently embodied that old commercial. While grocery shopping with my wife, I walked by “Bill’s Table” and noticed they had apple pies on sale. You know what Bill’s Table is, right? It’s the table you walk past as you enter the supermarket that has fresh pastry, donuts, cakes, or pies for sale. They put it there especially for me (hence its name), as I’ve never once been able to walk past without grabbing an item or two or twelve. That’s the same reason the displays by the checkout lines are called “Bill’s Candy Racks.”

So, I bought an apple pie. Then later that day my friend Gerry called me and asked if I wanted to go to the Torrington Titans baseball game that evening. Of course I did. By the way, their season is just about over, as the players will be heading back to college soon. So get over to Fuessenich Park and catch a game. It’s the best six bucks you’ll ever spend. And kids age 10 and under get in for free!

While at the game we naturally ate hot dogs — although I’m sure a lot of the ingredients in the hot dogs were less than natural, which is why they tasted so good!

To complete the grand slam, we drove to and from the game in my Chevy Equinox. As a bonus, because it was the 4th of July weekend, I wore a hat with an American flag on it and sang along with “God Bless America” during the Seventh Inning Stretch. Wow, George M. Cohan would’ve been proud. (Get it? He was the “Yankee Doodle Boy”? Oh, never mind.)

Anyway, it was nice to embody some old nostalgic images of American culture. Too bad patriotism has fallen out of favor these days. The fashionable trend now is to bash America and everything our nation stands for. We have become so selfish and cynical, even worse than I tend to be. 

I suppose if a new commercial were produced, the quintessentially American items would be: “Facebook, lawsuits, Lipator, and micro-aggressions.” I definitely like the old stuff better.

    

‘How Come You Catholics Pray to Dead People?’

“How come you Catholics pray to dead people? The Bible clearly says in Leviticus 19:26 that being involved with séances and trying to communicate with the dead is strictly forbidden. And yet you Catholics constantly try to pray to the dead, especially with all those idolatrous statues of the saints. Prayer and worship is reserved for God alone, which means you Catholics are committing a vile sin. That’s why you’re not real Christians!”

*     *     *

Wow, have you ever been confronted with these questions by a friend or co-worker or, most zealous of all, a family member who USED to be Catholic? How do you respond? Is it really true that we Catholics violate Scripture by trying to communicate with dead people?

Well, there are a couple of things we need to clarify. First, some people define prayer narrowly, as being ONLY worship of God. But prayer is really spiritual communication. Of course, a lot of prayer is indeed worshipping God. However, sometimes our prayer is merely spiritual conversation, when we ask the saints in Heaven to intercede on our behalf. We never worship saints. We only ask them to pray for us.

The other important point to understand is that when we Catholics pray to the saints, we are not communicating with the dead; Scripture clearly says that they are alive! When Jesus was confronted by the Sadducees about whether there really was a resurrection, Jesus said, “…have you not read…in the passage about the bush, how God told him, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not God of the dead but of the living. You are greatly misled” (Mark 12:26-27).

Jesus was very clear: Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob—who physically died centuries earlier—are actually alive in the presence of God. The same is true for all the faithful saints who have physically died. Their souls and spirits are quite alive and in the presence of God.

More proof that this is true in found in the letter to the Hebrews. Immediately following a list of many famous saints of long ago, the author writes, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us…persevere in running the race that lies before us” (Hebrews 12:1).

The image here is an athletic stadium. Those of us on earth are fighting the good fight of faith, while the saints who went before us are in the stands, eating hot dogs (kosher, of course) and cheering us on.

Finally, we are commanded in the Bible to pray for one another, for example: Colossians 4:3; 1 Thessalonians 5:25; 2 Thessalonians 3:1; and James 5:16. I know for a fact the same folks who are quick to accuse Catholics of committing sin by praying to the saints, do not hesitate to ask their friends and family to pray for them. Some of the prayer chains in Fundamentalist congregations are quite impressive. If someone gets into a car accident at midnight, by 1 a.m. word has spread and literally hundreds of people are out of bed and on their knees fervently praying for the injured person.

We Catholics simply include the saints in Heaven—that great cloud of witnesses—in our prayer requests and our prayer chains. Who better to ask for intercessory prayer than those who are continually in the Lord’s presence?

We sometimes say the Penitential Rite at Mass, which concludes: “…I ask the Blessed Mary, ever-Virgin, all the Angels and Saints, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God.”

Asking fellow believers to pray for us is quite biblical. Including the saints in Heaven in our requests also is biblical. So don’t ever shy away from asking the saints, especially the Blessed Virgin Mary, to intercede on behalf of you and your loved ones. 

Oh, and one last thing, in case you’re not sure: Catholics definitely ARE real Christians.

‘Attitude of Gratitude’ observation for Sunday morning

I am grateful that the gospel readings at Mass for the next month are from John, chapter 6. This is the great Eucharistic passage in all of Scripture. Jesus clearly said, “I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread shall live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world.” He also said, “Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you.” 

Seems pretty clear to me. This is why the Catechism says the Eucharist is the source and summit of the Christian life. Jesus really becomes present—body and blood, soul and divinity—in the Eucharist at every Mass. It is a supernatural miracle in our midst each and every time. What an amazing blessing. What an amazing gift from God. I pray many people will hear the words from John 6 in the coming month and come to realize that He really, really, REALLY is present.