Odd Thoughts Cause Sliver And Shiver

Sometimes I have odd thoughts. And other times I have thoughts I wish were merely odd. For example, last week I was engaged in my regular morning routine (the key word here is “regular”), and it occurred to me that for the vast majority of mankind’s existence on this planet, human beings did not have access to flush toilets.

Since I had my iPad handy at the moment, I did a quick search and discovered that flush toilets began to be used sometime around the mid-1800s. (But it wasn’t until the late 1800s that someone realized a good way to check on the previous night’s basketball scores was to bring an iPad into the bathroom.)

This means that during the last 10,000 years of human history, flush toilets were only available for less than two-percent of the total time. That reminds me of growing up. We had seven people in the house and one bathroom, so quite often it seemed as if the toilet was available for less than two-percent of the time.

Before the second half of the 1800s, people had to answer nature’s call by going out into nature itself. Most homes had an outhouse in the yard, which was basically a hole in the ground with a little wooden shack built around it. There was a plank with a hole cut in the middle. Whoa, can anyone say “sliver”?

On the morning when I had this excessively odd thought, it was exactly 7 degrees outside. (I knew that by checking the Weather app on my iPad.) I envisioned how awful it must’ve been to visit an outhouse first thing in the morning when it was only 7 degrees. Whoa, can anyone say “shiver”?

Worse yet, there’s a good chance typical outhouses in the 19th century and earlier were not within Wi-Fi range, so you couldn’t even check the previous night’s basketball scores while slivering and shivering.

I continued reading about the history of toilets and discovered that outhouses were used in rural areas, where there was enough property to locate them away from the main house. But in the cities there wasn’t enough room, so instead people used chamber pots. I pondered what that must’ve been like, and suddenly it seemed that slivering and shivering out of Wi-Fi range wasn’t so bad after all.

A few other nuggets of information:

Toilet paper first went on sale in the U.S. in 1857, and was sold in large sheets. Paper in roll form didn’t go on sale until 1890. And moments later the first family argument ensued about whether it should be installed with the paper coming from under or from over the top of the roll.

Toilet paper first went on sale in Europe in 1928. From what my friends who travel a lot tell me, France is still waiting.

My fascinating research was interrupted by a knock on the door, then my wife yelled, “Are you OK?!”

Oops, I guess I got distracted — again. As I hurried to get ready for work, I heard mumbling, which included something about “Can’t believe he brings an iPad in there.”

Well, I was only a little bit late for work that day. But I learned a lot of interesting new facts, and more importantly, I developed a new appreciation for indoor plumbing and how fortunate we are nowadays compared to most people throughout history. I certainly will not take my porcelain pal for granted anymore.

I can’t wait to find out what my next odd thought might be. Maybe this: Did you know in the late 1800s people went the entire winter without taking a bath? Whoa, can anyone say “pungent”?